2009 is a very exciting time at The Faurote Group.  First, we are celebrating our 10th year.  I can't believe it has been 10 years and I must admit it has been the best 10 years of my working life.  So "thank you" to all of you who have made it possible for me to live my dream. 

Secondly, we are getting ready to welcome a new member to The Faurote Group.  Sarah is due in May and I told her that she and her son are expected back to work within 3 days of delivery.  I know how difficult it is to find talent these days so I thought I would recruit her son as soon as I could!

We wish you the best in 2009 and remember the future is based on the decisions you make today.  Choose wisely.

Bully versus Leader

Have you ever had one of those “Aha” moments where the light was turned on so bright it almost blinded you? A moment where you said to yourself, “I wish I would have known this sooner so I could have avoided making so many mistakes?” I recently had one of those moments and it hit me like a freight train. Unfortunately, my experience was very personal because it involved my daughter. During her freshman year of high school she was the victim of severe bullying. The impact of the bullying was devastating at the time and continues to affect our family today. The good news is she is now a senior and the bullying, for the most part, has stopped. For three years I unknowingly made the same mistakes over and over as I tried to help my daughter through these difficult times. So why have I decided to share my “Aha” moment with you? I chose to share this LifePrint™ Lesson with you in hopes that you would not make the same mistakes I made as a parent or a leader, to help you understand bullying is real (even though we might not be aware of it), and to let you know it is not only happening in schools to our children but in the workplace as well. In the workplace, it is sometimes mistakenly called “leadership.”

I recently had the pleasure of meeting with and listening to, best-selling author, nationally renowned speaker and anti-bullying advocate, Jodee Blanco, when she spoke about bullying at my daughter’s high school. I am proud to say that my daughter took the initiative to contact Jodee because of the profound and positive impact Jodee’s books had on her. Jodee has written two books on the subject, "Please Stop Laughing at Me” and “Please Stop Laughing at Us.”

You might be asking “what qualifications does Jodee have to write and talk about bullying?” Her qualifications – she was a victim of bullying from fifth grade through her senior year in high school. Jodee addressed the entire student body, faculty and administration about bullying and the lifelong impact it has on the victim. Jodee’s message chronicled her own personal story of being bullied (“Please Stop Laughing at Me”). Her story was very sad and disturbing, and at times very difficult to listen to, but it was all too real. It was my “Aha” moment.

First and foremost, it was a learning experience as a parent. I should have done a better job of LISTENING and UNDERSTANDING the situation from my daughter’s perspective. I realized I shouldn’t have been telling my daughter: ‘just ignore them it will go away’; ‘they’re jealous of you’; it will get better next year or when you go to college’ (too far off – need to learn how to deal with it NOW); ‘it’s not that big of a deal’ (it’s a huge problem to the person being bullied); ‘kids will be kids’ (what does that mean? It is ok to be DISRESPECTFUL and MEAN); ‘they’re just joking around’ (it’s definitely not funny to the VICTIM). None of the advice was appropriate or helpful. The advice did not make the situation better.

As a matter of fact, it made things worse. She was not learning how to effectively deal with the situation and her trust in me was diminishing. It began to affect every aspect of her life – school work, social interaction, family, self-esteem and her attitude. I also realized that I knew very little about bullying. I realized I was not able to provide good advice for two reasons: 1) I did not effectively listen, and therefore, I was unable to understand what was really happening or see things from her perspective; and 2) I was not equipped to (lacked the knowledge) provide helpful guidance. Whether it was being able to recognize the signs when somebody is being bullied, what to look for in identifying bullies, or how to effectively deal with it, I, like many adults, just didn’t get it. I also realized how prevalent it is at all levels within the school system from pre-school through college. It is an epidemic and needs to be better understood by everybody involved so it is properly dealt with.

In addition, I realized that what Jodee was talking about parallels what happens in the workplace every day. Bullying doesn’t end in high school. Bullies do not stop bullying when they graduate. They take the same behaviors to the workplace and continue bullying others. Many of the bullies are mislabeled as leaders. They are seen as the people who: get things done no matter what the human toll; don’t take crap from anybody; don’t care about others; get what they want even if it is at the expense of others; gossip and talk about others to make themselves look better; display rude and discourteous verbal and non-verbal behaviors; think they are “Just Joking Around.” It is not “Just Joking Around.” It takes a toll not only on the employees but the bottom line as well. The Workplace Bullying Institute found in a nationally representative poll last year that 37% of the U.S workforce, or 54 million employees, have been bullied now or sometime during their work life. The statistics on lost productivity and turnover are staggering - something no business can endure over the long haul.

So what is the solution? Get educated. Listen. Understand what bullying is and what to look for whether it is with your children, employees, or co-workers. It is not something to be taken lightly because it is not “Just Joking Around.” Stand up and be a leader at home and in the workplace.

Resources:

http://www.jodeeblanco.com/ - Jodee Blanco's website

http://bullyinginstitute.org/ - Workplace Bullying Institute

Jodee Blanco's books - available through The Faurote Group at Amazon.com

Please Stop Laughing at Me

Please Stop Laughing at Us